Ask Principal Lisa: "My Child Won't Listen!"

Ask Principal Lisa · Your questions, answered

The Question 💌

Dear Principal Lisa,

I am exhausted from telling my child to listen to me. He's 4 and he keeps running off, or jumping on the sofa when I tell him not to. I really try to be a calm parent, but after a day of him not listening, sometimes I shout and get frustrated. I feel really bad afterwards, as he's a good kid really.

He's really lively. He wants to climb on everything, and he won't hold my hand in the mall. He just runs off, and it's hard with the baby. Please can you tell me how to get him to listen?

A mum of two, aged 4 and 6 months

My Answer 💛

I hear you! (Excuse the pun, ha ha.)

It's not easy having two children under 5. I understand.

When you are 4 years old, you have so much energy. You're all legs and limbs that want to move as fast as you can!

See It From Their Side

Taking a moment to see things from your child's point of view can really help. Some situations are very tricky for young children, and we need to check our expectations.

Malls, for example, are busy and full of fascinating things. But keeping them safe is our priority.

Plan the trip together and agree a few safety boundaries before you go. If he doesn't follow them, it's best to go home, as a natural consequence. Calmly explain that you'll try again another day.

Say Less. Say It Quietly. 🤫

I've always found that a quieter voice, sometimes even a whisper, has the biggest impact on whether children listen.

In fact, the less you say, the more they respond.

With under-5s, I use simple sentences of three to five words. Clear and easy to understand:

• "Shoes on, please."
• "Red or yellow? You choose."

Rather than: "It's time to go, I need you to put your shoes on now because we can't be late. Which shoes would you like? No, not those ones. Now hurry up please or we'll be late..."

Sound familiar? Ha ha. We've all done it!

Less Talk, More Action

Use simple words, and then gently lead your child to where they need to go, rather than directing with your voice from across the room.

I think sometimes we talk a bit too much as parents and educators. Maybe we could listen more? Explore some of the tricky situations with your son, and hear his thoughts.

Talk When It's Calm

We all know how it feels when your voice gets higher and higher. I've been there, with my own children and with large classes of children.

A problem-solving chat about behaviour always works best when you're both calm. Otherwise the words don't quite hit the mark.

Be Consistent

Consistency is vital. Make sure your rules are clear, and follow through calmly.

It's when we feel our boundaries aren't being listened to that we get angry. So check your rules and expectations, and make sure you're sharing them simply and calmly.

You've got this, Mumma!

💌 Got a question for me? Send it to [email protected] and it might feature in a future post.

💛 Need more help now? Book a Free Discovery Call and let's talk it through together: https://www.thepottyqueen.me/free-call

With love, Principal Lisa x