Introducing Your Older Child to the New Baby (Part 2)

Many parents worry about introducing their older child to a new baby.

It's hard to know what to expect, as this is a first for you too. Your older child's age and stage will affect how they react. Older children are often eager to meet their new sibling, while younger ones might be confused or upset.

In Part 1 we got ready. Now let's think about the first meeting, and the weeks that follow.

How Might They Feel? 💭

Take a moment to imagine how you'd feel if your partner came home one day with a new partner who was moving in!

A funny thought, but it might feel a bit like that for your older child.

By Age 🌱

Under 2s

Very young children are unlikely to understand yet what a new sibling means.

I recommend avoiding too much "You're big now!" talk. It can feel a little pressured, and the truth is, a lot of toddlers don't want to be big just yet.

I was once told by a toddler that they wanted to "climb inside Mummy's tummy again"!

2 to 4s

Children this age can be quite attached to the idea of their parents as one unit, and might feel jealous sharing you with a newborn.

"I liked it when it was just us."

This is very normal. A family culture that accepts and hears big feelings helps to reduce their intensity.

School-Age Children

Older children might feel jealous of all the attention the baby gets, or annoyed that the baby is changing their life.

Talk about what a newborn needs. Point out the perks of being older, like going to bed later. And explain that babies mostly eat, sleep and cry. They won't be a playmate straight away!

When They Act Younger 🍼

Children sometimes act younger than their age after a new baby arrives. Toilet accidents, or wanting a bottle again.

These are normal reactions to a big change. They need gentle tolerance, and not a great deal of attention.

• Give lots of love and reassurance.
• Hold the boundary where it matters. If it's no more nappies, hold that consistently for them.
• Celebrate all the things they can do as a longer, stronger, faster little human! Being in a cot and only having milk is very boring.
• Try rocking them in your arms, wrapped in a blanket. It's soothing, and it may meet the need that the bottle was meeting.

The First Meeting 👶

• Arms free for them. Keep the baby in the bassinet when your older child arrives, so they can give you a big hug first. Use soft, low voices to keep it calm.
• A gift from the baby. A little present, like a "Big Sister" or "Big Brother" T-shirt, helps them feel included.
• Morning surprises. For the first week at home, pretend the baby has set up a little activity for your older child to wake up to, like colouring or playdough.

Keep Expectations Sensible 😅

Children aren't always keen on babies. They're loud, sleepy and a bit stinky! Give your child time.

Busy Moments and Feeding Times

• Mirror me. Give your child a doll to change beside you. Ask for their help, and be specific with praise: "I like the way you knew what baby needed, and you went and got a muslin cloth."
• A sofa basket. You'll be sitting feeding a lot! Keep sticker books and lap activities close by for when your older child joins you.
• The Magic Tat Box. Fill a box with cheap, fiddly, interesting things they've never seen: stretchy dough, bubbles, little toys. Bring it out only at feeding times.
• Stay close. Always supervise when they're together. Little ones love hard, and sometimes a bit too hard!

Be Kind to Yourself 💛

It's a very busy time when a new baby arrives. Hopefully, as a second-time parent, you'll be feeling more confident this time around.

Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to settle in.

💛 Finding the new family rhythm tricky? You don't have to work it out on your own. Book a Free Discovery Call and let's talk it through together: https://www.thepottyqueen.me/free-call

With love, Principal Lisa x